I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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