And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
