I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
