every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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