i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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