everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
