did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
