dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize