yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
