just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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