no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
