My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You took a bar mat shot.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
