Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
