I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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