I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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