we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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