when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize