i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
