Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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