I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
from now on my penis is your penis
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize