Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
