If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
