If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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