Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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