Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
