I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
