I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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