I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
