Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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