Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
