I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize