If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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