I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
