Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
