im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't put those talents on a resume
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
