if i died would you start the facebook group?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want to make out with him forever
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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