Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
