I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
