It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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