I will die if light touches me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
