Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
