Already got asked if we're dating
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
