Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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