capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
