Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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