My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
