drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
