You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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