i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
