I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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