quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
are you so shy because you have an std?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Will exercising make me less horny?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
