did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
