She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
