dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
