you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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