I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
