you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
