Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
