how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
