He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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