There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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