Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
