my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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